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[Mon Jul 04, 2011 at 10:56am] |
In the long run of things, everyone lost someone they care about. So, even though I still hate the Ministry, Voldemort, because he's gone and I'm saying his name, or maybe even his proper name, Tom Riddle. The Death Eaters, the baby Death Eaters for taking my father from me. So, in light in of recent events we could possible allow each other a chance to mourn before we start drawing lines in the sand.
And at the very least I am comforted to know we can finally have a proper wizarding memorial for my father as that was against the law when he passed away.
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[Sat May 07, 2011 at 10:52pm] |
R6
Have any of you noticed anything with your mail? Perhaps some of it has been blacked out, or you were asked to revise your letters home? I went up to the owlry to send a letter to my mother today and this man confiscated my original letter, which wasn't even that bad to begin with, I try to refrain from telling her exactly what has been going on here. And he handed me this scripted letter to send him. When I asked him to mind his own business, he showed me his arm and there was a dark mark on it.
So this is how it's going to be now I see.
/ward
I have read more historical novels this year, particularly ones pertaining Grindelwald's reign, than I care to admit to. I do believe it's time to move onto something new.
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[Wed Apr 13, 2011 at 3:53pm] |
Hexed to Dirk Cresswell
Hey dad, I know it's foolish to be writing, since you'll never see read, but I need to talk to you. Mum is mourning you in the only way she knows how, cooking, working, and pretending everything is all right. Her letters are optimistic, we never get the food she says she sends, so that sucks. I miss eating homemade biscuits, they're always so comforting, she's so comforting. Elliot is wandering around like he has no idea where he is, he's always zoned out, and that worries me.
I don't know how to mourn in a constructive manner. I don't know how to not be so angry that I don't what to do with all this anger. I don't know how to connect with my classmates anymore. I know other people have suffered loss, but they seem to be moving on and I can't. I'm angry that they had memorial services for their loved ones, and I'm angry that they had closure, false closure, as I'm sure as anything I've been sure about that Kenneth Towler did not murder anyone. He couldn't kill a spider that crossed his path, little alone slaughtering families. Why did you run dad? Why couldn't you have just gone to Azkaban like everyone else? You're always a martyr, and I always loved that about you. Now I wish you were someone else. At least if you went to Azkaban there would be a chance someday you'd be coming home. You're never coming home now.
I need answers dad. I need to know why I hate everything. I don't know why I'm like this.
I love you dad, I wonder if you're there, with Dave, just watching us. Sometimes I wish I were there with you.
/ward
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[Wed Mar 30, 2011 at 10:16am] |
Megan
I would like to speak with you about something of a sensitive nature and I don't feel comfortable speaking with anyone else.
/ward
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[Tue Mar 15, 2011 at 1:46pm] |
Warded Private
I thought I would be relieved to have closure in all this. He's gone, we didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. It's all over, and now we mourn.
/ward
Morag
I regret to have to give you more bad news, but they found dad. He is no longer with us. I'm sure you'll be getting a visit from mum before you come back to school to explain this better than I can. Her letter was short without many details. I look forward to your return, I would like you to keep this in the family and not draw attention to our personal family business. Thank you.
/ward
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[Fri Feb 25, 2011 at 1:47am] |
Hexed to Dirk Cresswell
Happy fucking Hanukkah. It's too hard dad, I can't do it anymore. I feel like I'm slipping, nothing feels solid enough to grab onto. We spent hours looking, hoping, writing oddly vague letters. I feel like we're going to be turned in, and then Elliot would be left alone. Sometimes I wonder if I would rather be in Azkaban than here, it feels like prison anyways. I'm just, I just feel like I'm drowning.
I got into it with Morag tonight. She fucking doesn't understand. She woke up today and saw her father, and she knows where he'll be tomorrow and the next day.Tthey all say they want to help, or that they're thinking of us, but what is that doing? You're still not home, mum still woke up and cried today and I still want to beat someone's face in. Nothing has changed, nothing will change. It's not going to be all right until we're all together. I'm just so fucking restless, I can't move or think, all my energy is focused on finding you and bringing you home.
I love you so much, please don't let us fall apart now. We've come so far, I need you, I can't be without my father.
/ward
Private
Fuck this.
/ward
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[Wed Feb 09, 2011 at 4:08pm] |
Hexed to Dirk Cresswell
Where are you dad? Honestly, I can't keep doing this, I can't keep writing you in hope that somehow you're magically appear out of thin air and write back. It's too fucking hard, I swear every time I open this thing, I keep waiting for your reply. And it never comes. I just want something to hold on to I suppose. Or I'm a glutton for pain, I can't decide which it is.
Dave is dead. They just killed him in front of me. I didn't have time to react, he was just dead. I wrapped his body up in my school sweater and bought him back to the dorm to find something to bury him in. It was incredibly depressing burying my own cat at school. It feels like everything is just falling apart, and I don't know what to do. Elliot is tired, he doesn't talk much anymore either. I don't want him to end up alienating everyone like I'm doing. Its easier not to care about anyone.
I resent Morag so much, everyday when I see her, I know she gets to go home and see both her parents. She isn't being called a mudblood, or dealing with an administration that doesn't want to see her survive this year. I really believe she doesn't understand and is just trying to say what I want to hear. I want to hear the fucking truth. Things are shitty, life is unfair. More than likely, some of our parents aren't going to survive this. Its easier to know it's coming then pretend it's not.
Mum is looking for you over the break, asking around and seeing if anyone has seen you, or heard from you. I want to go with her. I don't want her out there alone, she's barely half-blood. Grandmum is still in Azkaban, they have her name, they'll take one look at Cresswell or Lowenstein and it's over. I know you'd talk her out of it if you were here, this is why we need you to come back. We need you to be safe for us, without you it doesn't work. Things don't work when we're left to our own devices.
Happy early Chanukah dad, I love you.
/ward
Here's a riddle, what ends everything always?
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[Wed Jan 26, 2011 at 7:21pm] |
Private
What the fuck. I've had Dave for six years, I'm more than just attached to him, he's slept in my bed. I've done homework with him, he reads with me. I had to watch my pet die in front of me, and Saffy fucking fainted. I hate this bloody school, I fucking don't want to be here anymore. I just want to go home.
I haven't seen my father since August, my cat is dead. Anyone want to take something else? Mum? Elliot?
/ward
Ravenclaw 6th years
I think I've come down with something and may miss lessons tomorrows, do any of you think you can get my homework for me? That would be most appreciated thank you.
/ward
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[Mon Jan 24, 2011 at 12:18am] |
Hexed to Dirk Cresswell
Its been three months, since I've spoken to you or seen you. It's almost Chanukah, one more month. That makes it feel real, when you're missing all the holidays. Rosh Hashanah passed. Yom Kippur passed, and you're still not here. I just keep hoping you would have written someone, but nothing. Its getting harder here by the day, we've had raids on Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. I never thought I would see the day when the houses were raided. I didn't lose anything thank goodness, everything has been charmed, hidden, or whatever, I hold on to everything you've ever given me, I don't want to lose another piece of you. I feel like I've all ready lost you sometimes.
Where are you dad? Where are you hiding? Are you even still alive? I don't have any hope anymore. They say hope is what keeps you holding on, I don't even know if I believe that. I miss you dad, I miss writing you. Give me a sign please, I'll take anything just to know you're alive.
I love you, keep safe.
/ward
Here's a riddle, The person who makes it has no need for it. The person who purchases it does not use it. The person who does use it does not know he or she is. What is it?
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[Sat Jan 08, 2011 at 2:11pm] |
Hexed to Dirk Cresswell
It's been almost two weeks since I've last wrote you dad, and I still have no idea if you're even alive. Mum wrote Elliot and I again, told us not to worry, that you're out there somewhere, you just can't make yourself known. I want so badly to believe that, that you're tougher than people have ever given you credit for. I suppose I just want something to believe in this year.
This year has been shit. The rules have changed and people are blindly following them without questioning what they mean. You always said that if the rules seem unfair, you need to ask yourself what is it worth to follow them. You didn't follow the rules clearly and now you're gone. I don't really know what that means then, but I do know that you had the strength to fight against what you deemed was unfair. I want to be strong like you.
I'm coming home for the holiday break to look for you. I know it's not safe, and I know there are god knows what out there, but I need to see you at least one last time. Mum said Aunt Tamsin wrote to her, and she's been keeping an eye out for you as well. As angry as I am at her, I hope you're safe like she is. Why didn't you just leave with her?
I love you dad
/ward
Here's a riddle, Paul’s height is six feet, he’s an assistant at a butcher’s shop, and wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?
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[Sun Dec 26, 2010 at 7:22pm] |
Hexed to Dirk Cresswell
I don't know why I keep writing to you in this thing dad, maybe I'm selfish and I do it because I need to. Maybe I keep hoping you see this somehow. There is something comforting about writing to you, I just, I don't know. Need to know you're alive. I feel you are somewhere in my bones, that you were clever enough to get away. I want to come home at the holidays and help mum look for you. Even if I can see you just one more time, it will be enough.
If you're out there, please give me a sign that you're alive, anything. I love you dad, get home to mum safely.
/ward
Morag MacDougal
Saturday was enjoyable, thank you.
/ward
What is everyone reading these days?
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[Wed Dec 15, 2010 at 10:52pm] |
Hexed to Dirk Cresswell
Hey dad, I don't know if you can see this, or if you have one of these, or I don't know. Maybe I'm selfish and I'll hope you'll see this. I worry about you constantly and I don't know if you're alive or dead. Mum worries too, she's looking for you, even if she won't tell Elliot or I she's doing so, I know she is. She's not giving up and neither am I. I want to have faith that you're out there, biding your time, or maybe you've met up with someone. I suppose I just want to hear something good right now, because this year all ready sucks. I'm trying so hard to make you proud, keep my head down and just keep Elliot safe. But it's so hard not to punch some of these bastards in their smug faces. I want to be strong for you, but I can't, I just don't know if I can do it.
If you see this, give me a sign, anything to let me know you're alive. I miss you dad.
/ward
Great start to the year.
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